John Gray said it that Women Are Like Waves, it’s the emotion that he was referring to, that rises in one minute and crashes in the next. That pretty much sums up me as a mother who feels overwhelmed with having to make sure the eldest does well in SPM and the pre-schoolers are able to master the basics of reading and writing. But I can also be the mother who does not bother about these marks, scores and ABC thing only to cherish her food and friends on social media.
A mother of an SPM candidate are typically in their 40s who have developed their maturity over the past 16 years of raising her child. And me on the other hand, only came into the picture a little over five years back. I am in my late 20s and God knows how much I have tried to keep up with being a step mother to a teenage boy and at the same time learning motherhood from scratch to cater for my 2 girls. Anyone else in the same boat? High five!
I am not the best mother of my situation, I admit it. Then again mothers, this is where we decided to be. The decisions that we made before we signed up for the marriage. Yes, we were young and stupid and I’m inclusive. But life does not take us to a higher level without any hurdles and hiccups. Looking back to the Younger Me, I’m sure I have widened my perspective about life now and in the hereafter. I’m pretty confident that as I reach 30s or 40s, where many mothers would say that they’re livin’ la vida loca with their life, I’m going to turn out the same. It’s just that, when we are in the midst of experiencing motherhood and the everyday life, we tend to be waves. The wave that rises on achievements, accomplishments and compliments, but falls on mishaps and catastrophes.
We can never rise without having to fall and neither can we be the other way around. If you’re falling down due to the obstacles as little as rocking your colic-ed baby back to sleep, or that you’re figuring out how to pay for the rent and utilities before TNB cuts the electricity off, remember that you are being REAL. You are rowing through the real stream of motherhood and that it is totally fine to not being able to cherish your present. Be real, how else can we cherish the sleepless nights, the tuition fees and the insufficient account balance? Not much mothers.. not much..
I choose to focus on the hurdles, not because I long to intensify the apprehension of motherhood. But I would want you to know that we are all fighting our own demons. We struggle in different ways. And that should make you feel belonged to the motherhood community because this is the real deal. Being in a support system that supports one another in any way possible, even virtually, is a good way to relieve to some of the pains that have been burdening you. Find your old good friends and get back to them for some rejuvenation. Mothers or not, married or single, never mind that because what matters now is to reclaim your soul that has lost its way somewhere.
Make new friends with mothers regardless of religion and skin colour because we all need to provide a little assurance that we are living life pretty much the same. Having found your motherhood-pal would do wonders especially when we remind each other to learn and accept life, to try and cherish the present, but even if we can’t that totally fine! None of us are less of a mother if we fail to treasure the experience of mothering because chances are that might not always be the case!
Enough said, friends. I’m only penning this down to tell myself to learn and cherish my little family. At the same time, I’m also reminded that the typical and real motherhood days aren’t always firework and celebrations. Hence, it’s totally normal to have that wavy emotions. What matters is that I try and give my best. Yes, just keep trying and leave the results to Allah.