I don’t know about others, but it’s been four years that I’m trying to accept motherhood in my life. I know that sounds very immature of me, but guess what? I still can’t figure it out all this while.
The commitments of coming home with kids who long for my attention in many ways when I’m exhausted myself. The lifelong concerns that I have over my kids’ progress at school and in life as a whole. The financial planning and saving for them that sometimes made me think, it would’ve been spent on my retirement plans.
And what’s great is that I still need to keep going, keep marching forward with the routine of todays and plans of tomorrows while my soul screams for help deep inside. What’s so hard about this motherhood thing that i need to work hard to have the compassion and affection that’s supposed to emerge out of me naturally as a mother?
As confusing as it may sound, trust me bearing it is even harder. But I guess this is life. This is what making me stronger as a woman, as an individual who has lots of dreams to catch but they need further digging. This phase of life is shaping me for future hardships i reckon? Though I’m not quite sure in what ways but I strongly believe in those events that didn’t kill you would make your stronger God Willing.
It’s not that I want to be this way, but I don’t seem be able to divert my mind to much positive thoughts. I’m still trying to be a happy mom like most others, but I can’t. And it’s okay if you couldn’t get my point since not everyone could empathise the anorexic and bulimic and why would they do such ways to their own bodies, because we’ve never been in their shoes.
I do not want this post to just be a rant. But I aspire for this particular blogpost to be another reminder to myself and you that we gotta march forward and carry on with life. Although Motherhood Often Feels Like A Blur, I call for all mothers who can relate to my post to keep loving yourself regardless of what you have been going through. To keep believing in yourself, to keep holding on to your dreams although you can’t really see any light at then end of this long, tiring motherhood tunnel.
If they can embrace motherhood with all their heart, so can we. God knows when that will that be, because heaven knows we’ve been trying to.