The other day I shared my old post I’m learning to live one day at a time on facebook and received tremendous responses. Most of which said that they are glad to know that they’re not alone in motherhood. That they’re not the only one having negative thoughts racing to their minds each time things get a little out of hand. That there are others feeling the same as them, with the desire to leave behind all responsibilities and duties, and the chores to do, and the bills to pay.
You see, life was hell-on-earth between 2014-2016 for me. I even thought of putting an end to my life, but I didn’t Alhamdulillah. Apparently I was still sane enough to think that I won’t be able to enter paradise if I comnit suicide and probably, I wasn’t that brave after all =D But jokes aside, life was doom and gloomy, and I never want to be there again. So I believe that I should do something with what I’m capable of, to help as many mothers as I could reach through my writing on this on blog. I don’t get paid for all the time spent here, but what keeps me going is thinking of how dark my life was not so long time ago and how I do not want you to go through the same.
That is why I keep sharing and writing. I’m doing this out of passion. Well thanks to Google Analytics, I know many silent readers are following my stories. In fact, I do get occasional personal messages from friends and unknowns who thank me for blogging because they feel belonged after reading my articles. Alhamdulillah, I can only Thank Allah and return all praises back to Him. It’s from Him that I gain my strength to tell the whole world about my struggles. It is with His willing, that I’m able to pay such commitment to this blog.
Anyway, just as the article was circulated around my friends on facebook, a dear friend sent me some beautiful text messages. She shared her struggles with being single, that she feels empty deep inside, partly because her loved ones aren’t around. Her family is back at hometown. She said, if I feel uneasy going home after work and that I hate weekend because of my chaotic routine with the kids, she feels the opposite. She hates going home because she knows how lonely her nights will be. She’s afraid of going through the desolation and she sees her life as void of meaning. It’s too quite, too empty, too bored.
This is what I felt right after: I pity her so much. When I keep moaning about my life, others are dreaming of being in my spot. They long for my life and the companions that I surround myself with. Ya Allah, what an ungrateful servant I am. She continued saying that we humans are always unthankful and oblivious of our nikmat that Allah granted upon us. No matter how high our achievements are, we always look at the things that we don’t have and ignore the ones that we already hold.
Pusinglah kot mana pun, we don’t extend our gratitude long enough to Allah that we are quickly saddened by the ones that are (yet) far from us. Yes, life is about striving to achieve more and improve ourselves. But isn’t life is also about recognising ourselves, our abilities, limits, strengths and areas of improvement? Aren’t we supposed to acknowlegde ourselves and what is feasible for us to get?
I owe this friend so much because she made me reflect on what I have and that I should live life with content. And so did she. Because of what I always write on this blog, the struggles especially, she becomes even more aware of her perks of being single. I’m honestly very happy to see my friends enjoying every bits of their freedom because hey, it is meant to be cherished and spent in good ways. If you have the time, money and energy, go make the world a better place. Go treat yourself with some good food and company. And I don’t agree with the degradation that people usually pose to the singles just because they don’t have responsibilities that the married have. Who knows they might be going equal or even more struggles at home?
If you own a small house, a tiny car and earn a decent pay, enjoy your possessions by spending them wisely. You’ll realise that being yourself is enough. If you’re living solo, spend your pay, time, energy and thoughts accordingly because this is not the end of your life. Allah selected you and many other beautiful souls, to have a little more freedom to tailor your future. Being yourself is enough and go make the best out of it!
If you have a spouse and still waiting for a baby, enjoy the marriage as much as possible. Go travel, join runs, do charity together. Make pahala together! Enjoy each other’s presence and being yourself is enough.
And if you’re blessed with children, you and I, we all have to remember that “Your wealth and your children are only a trial. It is Allah with whom is an immense reward” (at-Taghabun :15). Trials don’t only come in the technical form of waking up at mid nights to change diaper and rock your baby back to sleep. It also means, but not limited to, looking down at others just because they don’t have a family to care for. And that definitely doesn’t warrant one to manipulate them to cover for one’s work. Instead, learn that being yourself is enough mothers, learn to enjoy the company of your children and yes I’m telling this to myself.
Do not look at them whose schedule is theirs to decide. Look at yourself and how far you have made in this motherhood journey. Celebrate them! Because what is really really important now is to learn accepting yourself for who you are. We’ll be (a lot) happier if we compare less. Focus on your dreams instead and work for it. If it means pulling yourself out from the social media, then be so because everyone needs a break from the perfectly filtered fake life that they post on it.
To my dear friend, if you’re reading this, I’d like to say thanks heaps for showing me the means to love myself again. Only Allah can repay you and I pray that He grant you abundance of happiness and sweetness of faith.