A little over a month ago, my friend texted an idea that I could use for my blog. She suggested that I talk about how friendships usually cease to matter when you have tied the knot. And how unhealthy that is. So today, I finally speak her mind. Enjoy your reading! This piece was originally posted on THREAD by ZALORA
“Being in late 20s, people are beginning to either tie a knot or build their own family. Good for them and wish them all the best in cruising through the married life. But as much as people are happy with the marriage and babies updates, there’s also a concern on what happens to your friendships as you “change sides”. Especially to the friends who are still waiting for a life partner, they’d usually feel left behind or negated. So let’s talk about balancing your friendship, especially the long established ones, as you wed the love of your life. So from your perspective, you do need some time alone with your spouse to get your hands on settling in. For instance, the moving in to a new house, the new schedule and the new route to office because they all take up a huge portion of your adaptation abilities. You deserve to draw yourself away from the clique to focus on building a strong foundation of your marriage. This also warrants you to reprioritise your attention from friends to the marriage because otherwise, you’d be spreading out too thin.
On the other hand, the friends that you “left behind” are feeling the loss. The ones who used to be your housemates in University years have missed your presence ever since you kissed your newlywed spouse’s hand after the solemnization. Their days are now left without you to talk to and share the food with. Hence, they have the right to text you once in a while just to catch up with each other, because you used to do that every single day after class, remember? So the question now is, how do you make a win-win situation out of this? Here’s what would work:
Try your best to respond as soon as possible, if not instantly, only for the sake of taking care your friend’s feeling. Just as you hate it when people have “blue ticked” your messages but do not reply back to you, avoid doing that to others especially your best friends.
2. Share your stories, the ups and downs, like you used to
Anyone would feel appreciated if they are entrusted to hold your secrets. The same concept applies to friendship. Yes your personal stories are yours to keep but giving in a little to the ones that deserve to know your struggles would heighten the friendship to a new level. Apart from getting some fresh ideas on settling your issues, you also give a purpose to keep up with each other. Or maybe you guys can have some time to go shopping for the latest fashion trends and do the fun stuff like you always do with them during your single days. But remember, not the extra-personal struggles ya.
3. Literally, go for a coffee!
We all need a break from the routine once in a while. So go out and experience the beauty of chilling out with your best friends. Going for a two hour lunch on the weekend, once in a fortnight does not only keep the friendship alive, it also gives you some excitement to carry on with your dull schedule. You have something to look forward, that rejuvenates you for the rest of the week. They say, a happy weekend makes up a happy week.
4. Indoor meet ups instead
If going out is a hustle because you have kids who couldn’t sit for even five minutes, opt for just hanging out at home as a substitute. Invite your best friends over for a potluck get together, so you don’t have to think about cooking. Being at home isn’t just cost-friendly, but it gives your kids a little more freedom to run around without you having to be concerned much about their security. Since there are no strangers lurching around, indoor meet ups is a great way to keep the friendship lively.
5. Avoid assumptions
The last thing you would want to do is being judgemental to one another. Going through different stages of life, you might not know what your friend’s struggles are. One may think that the other is neglecting her, but she’s only taking some time adapting to her new life. And worse, who knows if your friend is actually in dire need of help but she’s just afraid to ask for it? This is your role, as the friend who used to do things together; walked to school, stayed up at the computer lab to finish your assignments at the very last minute, and simply finish each other’s sentences, should step up and help out. Practice items 1 to 4 above with the hope that you’ll make things better for the friendship.
There you have it, 5 ways to relive your good old days with your best friends. If you have more thoughts on this, don’t forget to drop them in the comment section below because it’d be great to accumulate more ideas. Look forward to reading them!