I always wanted to avoid writing about love because it doesn’t interest me much now that I have realised what marriage really is, tapi fitrah manusia suka menyayangi dan disayangi maka topik ni tak dapat juga diketepikan. Especially when I have been asked about how I brought my husband to join usrah since I wrote Perkahwinan Merancakkan Dakwah… Sure Ke?. So on 1st March 2013 in my humble abode, I officially moved from Miss to Mrs. That was also when I took another step forward, leaving behind my single-hood life, into a whole new world welcomed by Mr. Husband. And I felt glad to finally found my destiny. Cliche.
And on the serious, ada cerita yang ingin dikongsikan dengan my dear readers, which is about “meng-usrahkan suami/isteri”. Meng-usrahkan pasangan would mean making your fiance/e or spouse to join usrah. So, my story can be considered this way, I joined usrah since 2009 and tried connecting my then-fiancé to the brothers around his age to get him an usrah. He was 38 when all this happened, 2012.
Even before getting married, ada beberapa sisters yang datang bertanya how did I make this happen. Erm I must say, you and I might have different stories, so you may alter mine to suit yours. Technically, the first thing I did was to literally ask him if he wanted to rejoin usrah, since this term is not alien to him because he joined it before, while studying in the USA like 24 years back 1993-1998?
After explaining what usrah is, how much commitment it takes from one if one decides to be part of it, I literally asked him, “Would you like join me in our usrah group? You don’t have to give your answer now though. Take your time to think about it. I can try asking the brothers if they can reach you”. This was the first step. If you’re planning to do the same to your spouse/fiancé, construct the best sentence possible that would make it easy for them to take.
The second thing I did was praying hard, and hard, and super hard, asking Allah to guide him in making his decision. I gave him some time to consider the offer, that was his task and mine was to make lots and lots of du’a, without him knowing. After a few days passed by, Alhamdulillah he said yes.
Allah made it easy.
Technically the third thing was to get a brother for my husband. This was very challenging for I had to ask it from my naqibah and she had to get it from her naqibah in Malaysia (I was in NZ when this happened). It was like, tanya sini, tanya sana, “ada tak ikhwah dekat area *** saya nak pass contact details tunang saya. Dia nak usrah”
Kadang-kadang communication breakdown, maklumat sampai separuh jalan. Kena mula balik “ada tak brother area *** saya nak usrahkan tunang saya”
Yada, yada, yada for about 1/2 year, finally jumpa juga seorang brother for my then-fiance. Itu juga ada cabarannya, which was to ensure that my then-fiance was properly passed over and catered for.
And then came the purifying-my-intention part. While in NZ, I did not ask much about his tarbiyyah and neither did he tell me. I learned to leave it to Allah after making efforts. I prayed that Allah guide him more to the path of Islam. And it was super important for my tarbiyyah too, having him going through the usual usrah-related activities would do wonder to my ease of access to my programmes.
Dear brothers and sisters, why am I telling you all this?
Kerana dakwah dan tarbiyyah tidak menghalang hamba Allah daripada mengasihi dan dikasihi sekalipun setelah mendengar Sayonara Jahiliyyah. In fact, dakwah dan tarbiyyah butuh pasangan suami isteri, dan keluarga yang kukuh mengamalkan nilai-nilai Islam dalam kehidupan. Keluarga seperti ini yang dinamakan Baitul Muslim (Keluarga Muslim). Makanya, sekiranya anda pernah berniat untuk mengahwini seseorang, dan kemudian anda mula join usrah, mulalah mengatur langkah untuk mencantikkan hubungan yang ada.
I’d love to remind y’all including myself, kerancakan dakwah dan tarbiyyah kita bukan terletak pada status usrah pasangan kita. Tapi pada diri kita sendiri sebab kitalah yang menentukan sama ada kita nak commit pada aktiviti ini atau sebaliknya. Sekiranya bakal pasangan anda memilih untuk taknak join usrah, that’s not the end of your life. You can still strive in Dakwah given each other’s mutual understanding and commitment to the mariage.
In fact, yang sama-sama berusrah ni pun ada masanya bergegar jugak rumah tangganya lagi-lagi kalau communication dah mula breakdown. This is reality. This is life. One has to clear things up, getting to the basic communication between spouse (Go and ready John Grey’s Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus). Settle your dispute and then you’d be able to carry on with life.
I’m only sharing this with the hope that it could enlighten your understanding about paying commitment to dakwah while balancing your marriage. I’m not a marriage expert. I’m struggling to balance mine too. But I’m only speaking out because a number of friends have been asking about this so I thought, hey why don’t I just blog it out?
Selamat mencuba. Good luck.