They’re not my kids. Why bother?

Y’all, I have to be honest with you. I’m a lousy mom. I know I am because there has never been a day that passed by without me yelling at my two girls especially the elder one because she’s so active and always get on my nerves. So whenever I write or post a picture on facebook, please don’t think that I’m the perfectionist mom who tries to make my motherhood story look perfect. No. 

I’m only sharing my thoughts and experiences to portray the truth, the struggles and the hard work of mothering that many don’t talk about. I mean, if you have been following me you’d know that I suffer from depression for the past 3-4 years so how could one think that my life is excellently great? I’m sorry that’s not the case.  Having that said,  I still deserve some rooms of improvements that give me credentials to have some goals in life to achieve and hopes to hold on to.

Yes,  since early this year I have got my hopes back.  That I can see the light at the end of this awfully dark tunnel but I just don’t know when and how will I reach there. One thing for sure is by joining Islamic circle and attending courses on parenting, motherhood and the like. Because I realised the better side of me shone at least for the next three days after attending the course.

That might sound petty guys, but I applaud myself for that little achievement, 3 days of being positive about my life and my little family. Hadn’t it been the strength from Allah,  I think I would’ve given up with my marriage and motherhood long before. And depression recognises no financial and societal status. Royals or not, reach or poor, it can happen to anyone. Simply anyone due to various reasons like post traumatic experience and biologically inherited.

Anyway, since I allow myself to have hopes again, I aim to attend as many seminars/workshops/courses as possible. And this time around it’s on children sexual and reproductive health,  what do we do?

The speakers first presented some heartbreaking facts and figures about how ill our society today is. From one case to another and that basically depicts the destruction of our people as family units. In a way,  that definitely bite me right in the butt. I don’t always do justice to my kids and look at how the children and teenagers out there turned out to be?

Even though they are not my kids, they got me reflected on my performance as a mom. I’ve been so occupied with my own worries and first world problem that I haven’t provided enough for my kids, the LOVE to be exact. Because I’m pretty sure I feed them well physically because both of them are getting heavier each time I carry them, anyway let’s get back to the story.

So the speakers (who are Doctors and certified parenting coach) then boiled down to the things we need to do.  As parents and adults.  Not just parents because it takes a village to raise a child so the villagers gotta fold their sleeves and get their hands dirty too.

Here are some of the,  very roughly speaking,  points

1. One can start sexual education to children as early as possible by putting on decent clothes to them.  This is to cultivate the feeling of modesty in their souls.  Teach them about being embarrassed to change clothes in front of others.

Also,  practice using the actual terms to address dia body parts; penis, vagina, buttox,  breast,  instead using other terms like ‘bird’ and such.  This is to make sure that the message is properly delivered.

2. At the age of 3-6, there’s so much things one could practice to children.  Make them learn to clean themselves after doing their business in the toilet,  separate the boys from the girls when taking shower,  train them to sleep in separate room from the parents.

3. Age 7-10, expose them to the limitations of being friend with the opposite gender. Recite the related Quranic verses about it. They should understand that men and women that are non-mahram (not prohibited to wedlock) have certain constraints.

4. Aged 11-12 explain about puberty to them and what it’s like having period and/or wet dreams so they understand how their physical and emotions will change when the time comes.  Of course this comes with mandi wajib,  and the numerous types of discharge that would make them obliged to the mandi wajib.

5. Age 13-19, explain about how totally normal it is to have feelings toward the opposite gender but what matters more is the way we tackle them.  That we address them accordingly and take charge of our emotions.  As simple as avoiding sensual communication to safeguard our feelings. Oh now I suddenly remember those high school days and puppy love.. God,  didn’t I have nothing else to do?

Anyway,  I hope this article has brought something good to you. Yes, those kids who went or currently are going through sexual abuse or those who commit them are not ours. But the point that I’m conveying here is that  our society is so ill that the news can’t stop reporting about these cases! So we should revisit ourselves as a family unit, unlearn, re-learn, and make improvements if needed.

Saying is always easier than done. I have a 16-year-old teenage son who needs some attention without him knowing.  This is tough job friends,  tough job….

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