Having blogged about motherhood for over 3 years made my feel sorry for future moms. Probably because I have made them cloaked in their own fear for motherhood, or developed negative predispositions about the future that awaits them.
Oh boy. My apologies ladies. I don’t mean to overwhelm you. Far it is to deny your rights of bearing children. Rather, I’m only delineating (a glimpse of) the realities behind motherhood.
That this job doesn’t only come with the perfect Mom title but also the struggles behind it. The hassle behind capturing an instagram-worthy picture that gets thousands of likes and comments. The bustle of getting everyone ready for the family portrait. These are among how things really are in motherhood that we don’t talk much about.
The aunties and uncles might be blasting you with questions on having babies and when do you plan to add more. Just, ignore okay. Let it all go. If you have been bashed with such, mine were pretty similar but a little different like, ‘Why marry a single father? Were there no single men in New Zealand?’
‘Why got married so early (22)? Sayang lah muda lagi’
‘Why conceive so early? Your life will change FOR EVER you see’
People shouldn’t dictate your decisions. So if you feel like making the relationship halal, then certainly. But if you’re not ready to conceive YET, I’d say that that’s totally okay. It’s your life, your marriage, so you decide.
Because face it, having kids isn’t just about being a Mom. You gotta be prepared mentally, spiritually, and of course your materials! So take your time to adapt with the new routine of being married. Now you live with in-laws, privacy is a MAJOR concern so you need time settling in with its scarcity.
Now it takes 40 minutes to reach office unlike before, when it was literally across the street.
Now you gotta share your pay with your spouse which obviously needs huge adjustments from the life that you’d been living for the past few years.
Now you have extra clothes for laundry, extra underclothes to fold, extra tummy to feed and another new soul to care for which can be pretty troublesome if you marry a jerk. Oh, even having to listen to someone who used to be an outsider, needs some time of adjustment.
In fact, to those who hold on to the ‘bercinta selepas nikah’ principle, this is going to be among your major hurdles. You chose to live with a ‘stranger’ by heart, so you gotta endure the challenge. Yes we all won’t know our partner’s true colours until we live under the same roof, but marrying a mere ‘stranger’ has its own set of trials too.
Not having a baby at this stage of your marriage would do wonders to your Newly Weds experience. Not having to puke while driving to office in the unfamiliar route because you just moved into a new house would make it easier for you.
And not feeling nauseated in the third month of marriage would be wholesome to your relationship because you could spare more time in getting to know each other instead of being sick.
So ladies, take your time adapting to the new life and its roles, make extra room to accepting your spouse whom you’ll be living with for the next 50-60 years.
Don’t rush into motherhood. Don’t rush into having more kids.
Enjoy, cherish, treasure, and get the hang of what you have now.
And while settling in, do your readings on motherhood, fatherhood and the like because this job comes with responsibilities. You sure don’t want to screw up, yes? Here’s one that deserves your attention [When Should You Consider Having A Family (Planning)]