Why being single is OK- A married person’s perspective

I’m turning 27 this October (2017).  It dawned on me that marriage came knocking when I was 22. I married a single father whose son lives with us so that made me a mother right away. Gave birth to Nusaybah at 23 and Nuwayrah at 24 and friends, life was a little too much to handle.

Things are great between me,  my step son, and my husband’s ex.  In fact,  we even go his ex’s kampung during Eid and I’m so lucky to be in this harmonious relationships.  Because I realise that it’d be a privilege for some who married a single mother/father too.

While many thought that I develop stress and depression from this unique relationships,  let me say it again, no guys. This relationship with them is great! But it’s my own girls that I’m struggling with. At 23, I was already waking up at midnights to pump milk  and change diapers while most of my friends were having good sleep snoring the whole night.

I had already felt what it’s like to be sacrificing my weekends from doing what I love because my baby was under the weather.  While my friends were out there chillin’ with their clique

Oh speaking of clique,  motherhood has definitely set me far from my best friends because of the huge commitments that I didn’t find easy to cope with.  But Alhamdulillah we are good again now.  We keep each other updated through whatsApp and we have realised that not being physically close doesn’t make us less best friend. Instead,  it drew us closer and we cherish even more the times that we get to meet up.

Don’t get me wrong guys.  I am not ranting or complaining or whining about my life. I’m only writing the truth about married life,  that marriage is a teamwork and it’s a fact,  well most of the time, that we are better off working alone. Communication is crucial in teamwork but that doesn’t always happen in marriage.

Here’s an example of two situations : Single vs Married/Family

1. Single

Coming home from work would mean buying 1-takeaway of nasi goreng kampung from the nearby restaurant and enjoying that while watching the latest movie on Netflix.

2. Married/With Family

Coming home from work would mean fetching your kids from school,  then either you buy/eat dinner or drive straight home and cook. If communication doesn’t happen, one of you might be juggling the kids, chores and dinner while the other dozes off and leave the kids unattended. In this situation,  either communication didn’t occur in the first place,  or it wasn’t clear, or the one who dozes off is simply giving his/her spouse a pain in the…. Everywhere!

You see guys, being married isn’t just about travelling the world together. Be real. With today’s economy and living cost, you gotta tighten your belt for months. Travelling with spouse isn’t always fun anyway because men and women have different views about vacation, we work differently from them and it isn’t the same as going with your best friends. As simple as men usually plan ahead,  get the itinerary clear.  But us women? We can’t even read maps!  (I know this a simplified example because not all men are like that, and there are wives who read maps incredibly well)

 All I’m saying is that ladies, if you are enjoying your life being single,  yes go ahead.If it makes you happier living on your own, and you could do so much in dakwah and other social work, it’s totally OKAY (because it ain’t that easy when you have spouse and/or children depending their lives on you). I know this coming Eid is also a nightmare, apart from blessings,  because of the Makcik-makcik’s deadly questions.  I pray that God grant you the strengths to be firm with your principles.

Ladies (gents), 

If you’re married,  hang in there.  It takes years guys.  Years to embrace marriage.If you’re at the end of the horn to save your marriage,  I pray that Allah bestow upon you patience and perseverance in facing the hardship of going through divorce. Allahu.. It must’ve been tough eyh?If you’re planning to get hitched,  good for you. Ask yourself,  are you excited about the wedding or the marriage itself? And are you excited about the one-day reception more than the life-long commitment? Remember that marriage is not going to be easy and boy look at the divorce rate in this country because the figure speaks reality.

If defending their marriage is a piece of cake, people wouldn’t have contributed to the divorce statistics. If you’re waiting for the one, I pray that he/she crosses path with you. Meanwhile, cherish every little thing that happens on you. You got promoted, you completed a huge project at office, you took your parents to umrah, everything! Because there’s always pahala in everything you do so long as you set the intention to Allah.

Working and doing good to others are all ibadah remember?And oh, seeing couples with their babies at shopping malls may be intimidating but believe me guys, it’s not a bed of roses.  You didn’t know the struggle that the parents have been going through,  sleepless nights, emergency leaves,  colic and so much more. They might want to take a walk at the mall to give themselves a pat on the shoulder for surviving the first month as parents.

And you, as the observer? You should never look down at yourself just because you don’t carry a baby of your own.  Allah sees us and weighs our deeds differently.  As a single lady/man you have distinctive set of criteria that makes you a great person.So guys,  it’s okay to be single. Because married life isn’t thaaat fun after all. There’s so many commitments from financial to the routine. And at workplace, stand up for your rights.  Don’t let them bully you to do all the work just because you are single with no commitments. That’s so unhealthy. Find ways to back yourself up.  I don’t know.. How? Come and tell me.

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