Oh most people get excited when it comes to marriage. You’ll start to think about wedding dress(es), invitations, catering, goodies, decorations, bridesmaids and honeymoon. You’ll be imagining your dream wedding and wanting to walk down the aisle with long wedding dress train and later of the day you’ll go for outdoor photoshoot. You’d insist to have the session on the same day because you wouldn’t want to lose the make up that’s going to cost you RM400. You’ll be counting months and weeks and turn bridezilla as you approach closer to your D day.
Sounds great! But you know what?
All this ladies, is just a teensy portion of the whole marriage story. As I wrote before on Why Being Single Is Okay, are you looking forward for wedding more than the marriage itself? Have you really considered what your life is going to be after getting married? I shall say this again, it may not be easy and one way is from losing your friendship.
Okay I gotta be honest here. Some people lost them all, while others are still able to keep in touch with their mates. I’m not saying this to scare you, rather I’m mentally preparing you that once you tie the knot, you responsibilities multiply. If life was previously just about work, you still have lots of remaining time for friends and family back in home town. If you feel like balik kampung, no one can say anything because you make that choice.
But when marriage rolls in, you gotta split your life into two. It will be your own life (family and friends) and your spouse’s. Probably you’d have to sacrifice the time that was formerly spent on your clique for the your husband’s family gathering. The first few months might still be okay but you’ll come to a point where your friends will say, “Ehh haven’t heard from you for ages! What has marriage done to you?”. This description of life here doesn’t necessarily depict mine. but this is plain common in married life. I knew you didn’t know, or you don’t bother to know because you’re only excited for your wedding.
But listen girl friends.
Reality can sometimes be a little harsh.
Unlike men, we women need our friends to talk about almost everything. You’ll reach to a point where you wouldn’t mind being far from your spouse because gurrrllll you gotta do what a girl gotta do. Some couples even fought because one wants a break from the routine and just hang out with friends but the other doesn’t agree. Or you’ll be “forced” to join your spouse to meet his/her friends but when you ask him/her to do the same, you get rejected.
Also, I’m not saying that you’re totally going to lose your friendship. No. But it’s more about you’re going to lose a huge portion of friendship in your life because again, your priorities have changed. Now this is only married life guys, don’t get me start with motherhood.
Okay, you can still meet up and catch up and get the latest updates from each other through text messages and phone calls. But you’ll have to consciously make effort to make that now. You gotta plan your days ahead, try to slot in a session with your friends. You gotta have to discuss with your spouse to find the right time for you to get some fresh air out there with them. If you’re a mother, this is especially important because you need to rejuvenate yourself by doing what you love with them that matter.
So if you’re getting married soon, I’d say bring this issue forward with your fiance/fiancee that you want some time with your friends probably every fortnight. If you’re already married, always remember that you deserve a break. Mother or not, we all need to unwind once in a while. And heyyy getting connected to friends is essential and friendship matters too!