We’ll be (a lot) happier if we compare less

Back during the school days, we tend to compare our marks with our friends and boy I was kiasu like crazyyy. Grades are like the ultimate determinants to our success in life and it even hurt the friendship! I remember setting myself far from my best friend because she scored more than me in English during college. It was a little threatening because it was me who she always referred to when it comes to this subject. So when I “lost” to her, that’s pretty overwhelming to handle you see. Haha.

The more A’s you get in exams, the better off you are. You are foreseen to have a prosperous life in future, because they say, if you get excellent results, you’ll find job easily, you’ll work in big firms and you’ll earn a fortune. But when the time really comes, you see the ones who didn’t do well in exams are those who own big businesses and guess what, they make more money than you!

Even when adulthood approaches, comparison still happens. We don’t look at assignment and exam marks anymore because those ain’t matter. But at this age, we compare our possessions with others. We compare our income, our job, our house(s), our car(s). Some feel insecure about their marital status because people upload pictures of their kids and let the whole world know every.single.thing about their kids’ progress.

Some feel less worthy because they don’t get paid as much as their friends, or they don’t work at KL unlike the rest of the clique, or they only work at home with kids, or they don’t work at all. Speaking of which, I meet quite a number of stay-at-home moms (SAHM) who aren’t confident about meeting their ex-schoolmates because of they are SAHM unlike their friends who work and earn money for themselves. Even those who work don’t feel secure too because again, they compare their assets with their friends and upon realising that they don’t have much belongings, they feel inferior.

Unhealthy comparison won’t end there guys. When your kids grow up, you’ll compare about their exam results pulak, A, A-, A+ and whatnot. Then, whose kids got scholarship for college? Whose kids are studying medic? Whose kids get to study abroad? Whose kids got married first? How many grandchildren do you have? What’s your grandson’s UPSR result?

God this is going to be forever!

And guys, tell me about being inferior. My uni mates who studied accounting together with me are either doing family business or working in big firms as accountants or auditors. At 24 when I pursued Masters degree and handling my first daughter, I felt the emptiness. I felt the less of a worth I am as an overseas graduate. I got the “habiskan duit JPA je” remark. But then I thought oh all rhis gotta stop man. Those who said that,  they are not going to take care of my baby (I couldn’t find a daycare for her back then). They are only saying it because they have nothing else to do. That’s why the are so busy with my life!

And of course, I compare my belongings with with my friends. This friend is buying a house, that friend has 2 houses already, that friend just bought a brand new car, this friend got promoted, that friend completed his professional certificate, another friend earns 5k per month. And me? I am just a mother who’s trying to type her assignments while breastfeeding her baby. And this way of thinking was so unhealthy.

Alhamdulillah, I’m happy with my life now. I’m happy with what I’m doing although I don’t earn a fixed income because I know what I want to be in life and I am content with what Allah has given me. And I am asking you, to please stop looking down at yourself just because you don’t have (probably yet) what they already have.

We are gonna leave this world sooner or later. Let’s be happy with where we are shall we?

What do you already possess? One tiny house in Kubang Pasu? One small Kancil? One scooter? One child? Alhamdulillah, praise be to Allah. Yes, you should strive to improve your state of living but not at the expense of your relationship with family and friends. And you don’t have to worry much about your unknown future just because you haven’t reach the desired state as determined by the society, because that doesn’t make you any lesser.

Come on moms, stay-at-home, work-at-home, full-time working and all sorts of labels for moms, be proud of yourself because heyy you gave birth to a soul remember? And to everyone, let’s focus on ourselves, our achievements thus far, and the things that we could do to be a better person. If you love doing dakwah, go ahead. If you love social work and you don’t mind travelling abroad for that, please! We need people like you.

If you are fine driving an old Proton Satria, then be so. Who says you have to drive Fiesta to work? No one. And if you don’t feel like buying a house yet because that’s not in your top priorities, never mind. Because guys, at this stage of life, you can be ahead of everyone because you design your own life.  

I am not saying all this because i’m perfect. Not at all! If you’ve been following my blog, I always mentioned that blogging is my way of calming myself down.  Now I just blogged this,  yupp I’m going through a pretty rough patch..

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