It is the 3rd of Ramadhan and as I write this, I am done with studying for the day. I’m happy that I could get to sit at my workstation and do my readings, for my PhD that is still far from the finishing line, after 2 days of handling the kids at home. At 5pm soon, I’m going to start my engine and pick them up from school.
Speaking of Ramadhan, which I have been pretty slow at building my excitement in, I realise that many of my FB friends are concerned about fasting while being pregnant or breastfeeding. Now I’m not going to discuss about the fiqh behind it but just so you know, I stand by the principle that mothers who are constantly pregnant and/or breastfeeding for a series of Ramadhan are allowed to break-fast if they can’t stand it and they only have to pay fidyah without having to replace the days that they missed. I was continuously pregnant and breastfeeding my two girls so that applies to me. If you are in the same boat and would like to know more, google for Dr.MAZA’s talk about it.
Aside from fasting, Ramadhan is also the month of worship where people make donations, feed the poor, qiyamullail, spend quite amount of time in the mosque, and recite the Qur’an. This sounds pretty normal for everyone but not mothers. What used to be a norm is now a miracle for us. Face it, even reciting the Qur’an for 1 page without any form of disturbance is a huge motherhood marvel. Let alone praying tarawikh for 8 raka’at right after isya’ prayer. So we moms have to find ways to make time for Qur’an and all other ibadah like when the kids are asleep or at school or we ourselves at workplace.
It saddens me to notice that some of my friends feel bad about themselves that they can’t fast, or pray, or recite the Qur’an due to their motherhood obligations and it does so to me too. My Ramadhan didn’t start very well I’d say because I was pretty ill added with the 2 little monsters jumping and screaming and fighting over the remote control because one wanted to watch Good Dinosaur while the other wanted to watch PJ Masks (like seriously, who cares!). It took me about 2 days to set my heart and mind that hey, I’m in Ramadhan the holy month, grab every chance to make pahala!
I don’t do tarawikh at the mosque, I do it before sahoor at home. Because I knew the former isn’t feasible. How do I focus praying at the mosque if I knew I’d be worrying about my girls’ safety?
I don’t recite 1 juzu’ per day. I only set my aims to read and understand the translation. As for umber of pages, I go with the flow.
Mothers, I understand your struggles. I feel your desire to be free from all the chores and motherly commitments so you can focus solely on your performance to Allah. I know you want to be back to your single life where one juzu’ per day was a norm. I get your aspiration of praying tarawikh at the mosque because you enjoy the atmosphere and you never missed that before you became a mother.
So let’s just say that life is different now and Allah sees us differently. Allah sets your worth on the effort that you put in to be close to Him. In ways that vary between us because we all live at a different phase. Working moms are different from stay-at-home moms. Mothers of one are distinct from mothers of many kids, and so do single moms. Instead of dwelling in what we can’t do, let’s focus on the things we can do. If you could only recite 1 page of the Qur’an per day, by all means! If you only do 4-rakaat of tarawikh last night because your kids couldn’t stop pulling your telekung and it was so annoying, let it be! Because your struggles is what Allah counts.
So that’s it mothers, Enough with feeling sad and bad about yourself. Go. Go and set your own ibadah resolution for this Ramadhan. Yes, go!