Keep sharing, Zayana

Alhamdulillah, All praises to Allah. I’m so glad that my sharing has been beneficial to mothers out there in plenty of ways. I love it that more mothers are learning that we are all together in this journey despite our distance from one another because prayers keep us close. 

I’d say most you might have already know that I’m still on medication to tackle my Postpartum Depression (PPD) that has been haunting my life for over 3 years. I’d say, I’m improving well now. What used to be depression has gradually turned into anger management and I’m deeply glad to see my inclination towards recovery. Alhamdulillah tsumma Alhamdulillah. All praises to Allah verily, all praises to Allah. 
I used to lose my hope that I’d get back to my own self because the pain has been in me for years and it somehow changed my personality. I don’t enjoy talking much to people because it takes away my energy.  I prefer to be quiet. I’d rather spend the whole weekend at home than go out, I have become introvert, and a lot of other negative sides that I thought would be a shame to talk about here. 
But one thing that keeps going is writing. I share my experience, thoughts, findings and readings mostly about motherhood and marriage. When I write, it doesn’t necessarily mean that my life is perfect, no. Instead, it means that I’m reminding myself to be good, I’m channeling my overwhelming emotions to calmness and positivity. And Alhamdulillah, I have gotten back my hope. 
Well, some people are good at playing with words (in good ways insha Allah) and I’m inclusive. This is how I rejuvenate myself because motherhood generally has little offer for that, so you gotta find the means to treat yourself. Or else, you’ll be drown in your own thoughts and tiring routine. So mothers, find that little thing that would make you happy, yes apart from prayers and supplication. What do you love? You run? You swim? You sew? You drift? Go ahead and get some time for yourself! 
And tonight, I received a very soothing response from my dear friend who wasn’t that close with me until motherhood did its job. She said,

God, I knew we moms go through the same thing. I knew that we all need support from one another. And I knew that we need to always be reminded that we are not alone. Every mom feels the hurdles of raising her kids, financially, emotionally, physically but we don’t talk much about it on social media. What we usually reveal is the perfect after-bath look with new shirts and dresses, ready to hit the road for kenduri. The drama behind it is history but that’s the crucial part for most moms. 
The missing pants and socks, the refusal to bath because they want to watch PJ Masks, the running away, naked, from mommy so they can play hide-and-seek.  All this, my friend, has brought me to commit writing and be the breather from your dry schedule. My only hope is that you don’t turn into who I was a few years back. 
P/s “Jangan stress2 tau!” doesn’t make it better for us,  the depressants. Because depression is beyond stress.  It’s about losing one’s hope to live. If you don’t know what to say or how to respond,  simply make a du’a, “May Allah bless you, sister”. Easy as. 

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