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“Zayana, I regret having babies and I now have suicidal thought”
The other day I went to meet my friend who got very close to me since we together became a mother. She’s my best friend now and I’m so thankful for that. We’ve been going through the same struggle that we develop depression after giving birth and we both have 2 small kids aged 3 and below.
What came shocking to me recently was knowing that she had anorexia during high school, she kept it to herself all this while!
She texted me one afternoon saying that she couldn’t function anymore. She didn’t go to work, didn’t complete her job and barely be a mother to her kids. She only feeds them and that’s it. Having completed my things-to-do for the day, I drove to her place and tried to be there for her. When we started digging in, I asked her about any underlying issue behind her current trouble now. That was when she revealed her true inner conflict.
She was anorexic during her teenage years and Alhamdulillah had got it over with. But postpartum, you know with the flabby tummy and stretch marks here and there, had brought her worries about her body image back! And that seems to trigger her negative thoughts and she’ll be inclined towards being depressed about her life.
She wants to die
She wants her kids to die
There’s nothing left she could do in life
She couldn’t complete her work
Mostly because of her physical appearance.
You see guys, for someone who has a history of mental issues, that creates a predisposing factor to her postpartum life. She used to be very concern about her weight and body image at a young age, imagine what would her thoughts be about her postpartum body?
I honestly feel very, very sorry for her. It must have been a nightmare looking at herself with all those marks and couldn’t get it off her head. Dear friend, if you are reading this, please know that you are alwayssss in my prayers. I pray that Allah grant you strength to stand up on your feet again and get this matter into your own hands. I may not be able to give the best advice but I want you to know that I am here by your side. I’m only one text away babe.
And to mothers out there who might be going through the same, you now know that you are not alone in this. There are those who suffer the same, so you have another reason to keep you heads up!
And to the rest, I implore you to not judge a mother who reveals that she is experiencing depression or any sort of uneasiness after bearing her child because we all grow up differently. Some went through bad, if not terrifying, childhood or teenage years that leads them to where they are now. A depressed mother doesn’t mean that she is feeble, no. Even depression has its own continuum where people respond differently. Some mothers flight at the very beginning probably because they already have a predisposing factor while others are able to fight but they too will end up fleeing if they choose to suppress their issues.