They usually say that if you grow up in a less supportive upbringing, you should break the cycle. You mustn’t do the same for your children. Easier said than done aye?
Even for those who did not experience such environment, they might be taken aback to the reality of parenting and how much patience it takes from us.
So here’s my take about the 5 simple ways of breaking the negative habit of scolding your children. These are basically the things that my psychiatrist have said to me throughout our few sessions of cognitive behvioural therapy (CBT)
1. Before dozing off, set in mind that tomorrow is another day with your children and whatever it takes you are going to face it calmly, You are going to handle the arguments, the fighting, the searching of school socks and pants with grace. You are going to have to wake them up, and bathe them, and send them to school. You are going to handle this, yes another day with the same set of routine. Yes, you are going to do it. Yes you do.
2. Just after you wake up, you are going to execute what you have set last night. Yes you are going to get off your bed and take charge of the morning rush.
3. Spend at least 15-30 minutes daily with your kids. The quality time that is solely and exclusively theirs. Colouring, smudging the wall, cycling, hide and seek, anything. With the time and attention spent, your kids would be conditioned that their parents love them so much and they mean the whole world to them. So at times when you get angry or yell at them they know that that is just temporary, because they understand that you actually love them.
5. Don’t feel too burdened or wanting to quickly get this issue over with. It’s been with you for ages so it surely takes A LOT of time and effort to re-condition your brain. Instead, try to focus on your effort one day at a time. May Allah grant the highest patience to you. Amen.
Just like you, I’m still struggling. But you know what?
We are going to do this together.
We are going to pray for one another, for Allah to grant His mercy on us and guide us and bestow upon us the strength to be better parents to our children.
Yes we are.