“Ibu, apa tu yang pink tu”
For someone who is struggling to even accept motherhood, I sometimes don’t bother about the way I treat my kids and I’m not keen to read about parenting. But the other side of me keeps telling myself to grab as much knowledge as possible because I’m simply noob in parenting. I need to develop more patience and patience and patience when dealing with them and in order to do that, I need knowledge. I need to understand how children’s mind works so I place attainable expectations on them and so I don’t drain myself out knowing that they don’t understand me.
So the other day, I purchase an e-book on parenting and the title reads Saya Taknak Marah Anak Lagi that comes in combo. The one that I’m about to share is from Siri 2. It talks about the causes of us scolding our kids, the negative effects of it and how to overcome them. But in this post, I’m only going to talk about the causes and effects. In order to know the solutions, well I guess that’s your homework!
So here goes,
5 CAUSES of scolding kids:
1. Threads (Ancaman)
That we often say things like, “Kalau tak makan, kena tinggal rumah sorang-sorang” which is unhealthy for them kids because it creates sense of insecurity to them. Consequently, this can lead them to being indecisive and risk averse.
2. Emotional Outburst (Cetusan Emosi)
I literally yelled at Nusaybah just now because of my emotional outburst. I was SO frustrated that she purposely threw her drinking bottle straw on the washroom floor when I had just washed it. She was a little frust at me too because I didn’t attend to her request. Now we all know yelling, scolding and hitting kids out of anger is very unhealthy because it drains out the love between us.
3. Interrogating (Bertanya soalan berterusan)
“Ibu kenapa this…kenapa that..”
“Ibu, mana colour Nusaybah”
“Ibu, macam mana nak buka ni”
Adoi bila lah budak ni nak tutup mulut. When we basically get annoyed with their enquiries, we tend to scold them. Fairly obvious eye?
4. Labelling (Melabel)
“Why you so lazy. Look at Aunty Bedah’s daughter she’s so hardworking!”
Labelling creates unsettled emotions between us and our kids because they might be thinking that they aren’t much of a value to us, thus the distance.
5. Indifference (Tak acuh/ Tak peduli)
I’m guilty as charged. Too busy with my phone that I always ignore my kids as a sign of my anger and protest to them, to the extent that Nusaybah said, “Ibu taknaklah pegang telefon lagi”. Such behaviour isn’t good for your relationship because of the same reason as No.4.
Now that I have the knowledge, I know I have to put them into practice. But that’s another story with another set of struggle. Bantulah hamba-Mu ini Ya Allah. As for now, I’m still under treatment with my psychiatrist in which, my appointment is tomorrow. I really look forward to seeing you tomorrow Dr NJ!