Surely, I am almost nobody to have much say about marriage but I feel obliged to share my thoughts on this matter. I may not be practising what I preached but writing is one of my means to kickstart the good side in me.
“And We have created everything in pairs so that you may heed”
Marriage is a blessings from Allah. He gives you a spouse so you may have a special someone to share your feelings, worries, happiness, to make fun of and to annoy for the rest of your living life.
Why do I say blessing?
It is among His sign that a husband learns to help his wife with the chores, despite his full day at the office.
It is among His sign that a woman is willing to leave behind her family, to begin a new journey with her husband, despite her strong bond with the kin.
It is among His sign that a man is ready to put away his easy-going life and begin to bother on things that concern the wife and kids.
It is among His sign that a woman is willing to drain her beauty to ensure new lives are brought, and sirname them after the father. Tell us about it, c-section and stretch marks, flabby tummy, you name it we have it.
Face it, who would want to put aside their passion, interest, and own personal life for others? But that happens in marriage, perhaps because Allah has made their hearts softened and their souls attached to the new commitment. You then see, loving husbands/fathers and passionate wives/mothers sailing the arc of marriage. Well, at least you see a father who gave up on chillin’ at Mamak at 11pm because he wouldn’t want his boys to do that too.
Everyone knows sailing is a huge stuff because it deals with storms and so does marriage. When that happens, there goes your ego and expectations. One would think that he/she has done a lot to the family but that’s not the case to the spouse.
The husband might think he deserves some rest after working and thinks that his wife, a stay-at-home mom, has been relaxing all day.
The wife may be expecting her husband to spend more time with the children but he is actually working extra hours to make extra money for the new school term.
Can y’all see how expectations kill us? We will be living in the world of our own but unfortunately the world doesn’t revolve around us. And do you agree that at times, it’s much easier to handle the kids yourself than working it out together with the spouse, simply because teamwork sometimes s*cks. Why does that happen? Well, it boils down to ourselves because we tend to place unfeasible hopes on our other half.
So how do we deal with this?
1. Just to make it easy for us couples, expect less and offer more. If you know she is not so good at cooking, you can’t expect her Nasi Goreng USA to be the exact same like Restoran Syed
2. It’s also good to know how men and women get things done because of our different brain and other physiological structures. Do you know that women have stereo hearing sense, whereas men, theirs in mono. Now you don’t have to get that pissed off if he doesn’t hear the baby’s cry.
3. Think not much of your contribution and leave the claim later in the hereafter. Yes, easier said than done. But if you really really believe (read faith/iman) in rewards from Allah, you’ll hold on to the fact that this life is just a temporary-70 years-of-trials, unlike the infinite hereafter.
Let’s work on this life formula:
70/Infinity = 0
Go married couples! We can do this!