Akhawat bawa anak ke program, jadi ikhwah buat apa?

              “Ummi, nak balik..nak balik…!!”
                                     

akhawat: sisters
ukhti: sister
ikhwah: brothers
akhi: brother
zauj: husband
zaujah: wife

It’s common for akhawat to bring along their children to dhaurah, mukhayyam, and all sorts of programs in relation to dakwah and tarbiyyah. Accordingly, they know that they won’t get to sit still but they’ve got to move around watching their kids while trying to focus on the content of the talk. In fact, in some situations, mothers with children are required to stay in a room prepared for them with live streaming from the main hall, to avoid distractions from their kids’ crying, screaming, jumping and running. That’s the challenge, but it’s okay. It’s simply part and parcel of motherhood aye? 
However, I’m confused me when the responsibility to look after the kids are on both parents, kenapa selalu akhawat yang bawa anak ke program. Jadi ikhwah tak perlu bawa anak ke? Why do only akhawat have to get into trouble preparing meals at home beforehand while juggling with the children and they still have to take them along to programs and not get to pay attention to the talk?

And I’m sure, mothers must have been thought “Asik aku je yang bersusah payah, Awak tu buat apa?” Syaitan akan sentiasa membisikkan rasa tak puas hati terhadap pasangan kita termasuklah dalam bab menguruskan anak, jadi saya percaya anda mesti pernah terasa macam ni kan? It’s okay if that has happened before because we ain’t that saint. We are all human beings with anger and frustration. But we are also special if we get to take control of our anger and istighfar right away. Chill. Calm down. Let’s get to the core of the issue, then we’ll get into the solutions

I reckon, below are among the concerns in akhawat which brought them to drag their children along to programs. Hence, some rationales and possible solutions.

1. Zauj saya tak pandai jaga anak
I agree that some men are really bad in handling their kids. They are very kind indeed, but they just don’t feel the children. Diaper sampai dah 5 jam pun tak bertukar. Anak dah nangis2 pun ayahnya still tak faham yang anak tu nak susu. But I think they just need practice, so mothers ought to leave the responsibility to the dads, so they’ll get used to the rhythm occasionally. What mothers can do is, prepare everything from food, clothes, diaper to toys and let the children be with their dad while you enjoy focusing in programs.

2. Saya tak sampai hati nak bagi zauj jaga anak, kesian dia
Kenapa tak sampai hati? Sebab kesian zauj dah kerja Isnin-Jumaat jadi nak bagi zauj berehat di hujung minggu? Akhawat, let’s embrace the beauty of motherhood in Islam that places the role of handling and educating the children on the parents’ shoulders, and not just mothers. Let us enjoy that Islam celebrates mothers to have some time for themselves by spending them on Islamic activities and programs. Yes fathers are to provide for the family and fathers too, are to look after the children. Yes the mothers’ main role are at home to educate and shape the children through Islamic upbringing but mothers too, are to allow some room for fathers to do it.

3.  Saya tak berani nak minta zauj jaga anak
I understand, some husbands are pretty tough to deal with. That said, you know your husband better (after Allah). Have some time to bring this issue on table and discuss it with your spouse. Things don’t have to settle in one discussion, because it may take some time to rise to a conclusion but insha Allah, you’ll come to an agreement in this. Let your husband know (especially during courtship) about your passion in dakwah and social work that you’re going to need his cooperation and support to balance both family and these activities. Let him know in details about your:

a) weekly usrah, that usually ends at 10.30-11.00pm (instead of saying “I’ll be coming home late” mention in detail what time will it be)
b) monthly dhaurah/rehlah/jaulah/muktamar that will take the whole weekend. There will be no family outing during this time.
b) Sleepovers (Mabit/Mukhayyam), so you may not be able to cook dinner and tomorrow’s breakfast.
c) Liqo’ murabbi that may take place anytime, hence you will need your husband to handle the kids at home because bringing them along to meetings doesn’t work. Sebab nanti tak boleh focus pada meeting. 

On the flipped side, it is worth noting that there are awesome ikhwah out there who do the same like the akhawat. They too, prepare food at home beforehand. They too drive to usrah with their toddler who then played around the usrah circle, lepas tu restless, cried and finally puked at his dad. And the dad requested to go home early because he didn’t know what to do then and the naqib gave green light because he too, brings along his kids to programs, so he feels the poor dad.

There are also amazing ikhwah who take their children to programs and bila anak-anak dia dah restless dia try tidurkan anak dia and finally dia pun tertidur sekali. Hehehe sounds familiar? There are also superdaddy out there who are fine with taking charge of the children at home to give some room for the mother enjoying her passion in programs that contribute to the society. Sebab esok, turn dia pulak untuk pergi program sambil isteri jaga anak-anak dekat rumah. 

Thank you fathers. Thank you brothers. You have my utter respect.

And in my humble opinion, it boils down to the communication between you and your spouse. Marriage is an art, it’s we who shape and colour the routine. Come on ikhwah akhawat, we can do this! 

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6 thoughts on “Akhawat bawa anak ke program, jadi ikhwah buat apa?

  1. dr-ira says:

    Sis, how about single mother during weekdays, sebab husband balik weekend saje. I have no choice instead to bring along my kids. But during weekend program insyaAllah will have a good deal with husband to look after the kids during programs since he only have that precious time with our kids on weekend 🙂

  2. ummu uswah says:

    Assalamualaikum.
    isu ini adalah isu yang tak akan habis. Dulu, kini dan selamanya. Sebaiknya kpd syura atasan baiklah dibincangkan secara detail tentang manual pengurusan anak-anak untuk zauj dan zaujah yang mempunyai anak-anak terutama yang baru mendapat anak. Ini masalah penting yang pasti akan berlarutan dan akan dirasai oleh semua baitul muslim,

    Ana akan menulis agak detail dan diharapkan ia dibaca, difahami dan cuba direalisasikan kerana masalah yang dianggap remeh ini akan menghambat tarbiyah dan dakwah antunna di kemudian hari.

    Punca masalah:
    1. kurang ilmu dalam pengurusan anak-anak
    2. kurang kerjasama antara zauj dan zaujah
    3. lepas tangan orang atasan terhadap isu ini (dlm kata lain, pandai-pandai la urus sendiri)

    Solusi
    1. walaupun belum nikah, ikhwah akhwat perlu belajar cara untuk urus anak terutama yang dalam usia bayi.
    2. baik zauj atau zaujah perlu bertanggungjawab dan bekerjasama untuk urus anak-anak terutama pasangan baru.
    3. zaujah perlu tahu bagaimana nak perah susu dlm botol, buat ebm macam ibu-ibu yang bekerja walaupun anda surirumah sepenuh masa. sebab anak perlu ditinggalkan pada zauj dan babysitter, jd lebih mudah utk lepaskan anak berbanding yang fullbreastfeed. then, zauj dan babysitter kene tahu bagaimana nak guna ebm atau bancuh susu. means baby boleh minum dengan botol susu.
    4. biasakan juga anak dengan orang lain selain umminya serta biasakan anak dengan suasana bising sebab nanti baby susah nak tidur sebab bising kat tempat program jika dia biasa dgn suasana sunyi.
    5. utk usrah, cuba letakkan murabbiyah untuk usrah ibu-ibu sebab masa menyusu tak perlu masuk bilik, jd ibu akan dpt dgr sepenuhnya isi usrah.
    6. Jk usrah anda dipegang oleh murabbi, kalau boleh zauj atau babysitter jagakan anak di luar dari bilik usrah anda.
    7. biasanya klw program hujung minggu, babysitter akan disediakan. Jd latih babysitter untuk jaga anak-anak.
    8. Biasanya zauj sangat-sangat boleh membawa anak berusia 1 tahun ke atas ke program sebab anak dah boleh berdikari. tapi klw bwh 1 thn lagilah akhwat suka. he. he.
    9. jika perlu travel jauh bersama bayi, bawalah teman bersama krn bayk kemungkinan yg akan brlaku di jalanan.
    10. pasti ada handout atau mp3 utk record isi usrah atau ceramah
    11. zauj dan zaujah juga perlu saling mmbantu untuk fullfil mutabaah masing-masing. zaujah biasa akan bermasalah untuk tilawah, tahajud, solat awal waktu dan puasa bila dah ada anak-anak.
    12. masalah lain ialah berkaitan pengurusan masa dan kewangan.

    Perhatian : Jika anda rasa kosong masa usrah, mutabaah turun, masalah mengurus masa dan wang, mungkin anda akan berguguran dari jalan tarbiyah ini. Jadi mantapkan usrah biar sampai anda rasa, anda nampak syurga dan neraka di depan mata. Mantapkan mutabaah biar bertambah iman di dada. Mantapkan ilmu dalam semua bidang agar ia mendokong anda ke syurga.

    http://panduankelahiran.blogspot.com

    with love from ex-akhwat

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