It dawned on me

That I graduated in December 2012
That I rang my Dad all the way from the down under to inform him that someone intended to meet him
That Dad said OK
That he dropped by to meet Dad
That we tied the knot on 1st March 2013
That I was pregnant with my daughter who is about to turn one, one 6th January 2015 and her Papa wil turn 40 on the same day
That I told myself once I change side, that will be the end of my freedom and I tought I was absolutely ready for it
That I was shocked for not being myself eversince a new hearbeat was detected in my tummy, 
and that was where it all began. 
****
When people normally say “Seronoknya dah ada baby” or “Seronoknya dah kahwin” “lucky you!” I don’t remember myself saying those to others for I lack the empathy to understand the beauty and hardship or marriage and motherhood. 
So I would usually say “Alhamdulillah, you’re married” and that’s all. 
Little did I know how horrible a woman can be, if she finds it hard to cope with the new life and Alhamdulillah, I was(and probably am) among the selected ones to undergo an extremely challenging phase of life called “the first time Mom”. 
My daughter has been a very very good girl Alhamdulillah with giving cooperation to EBM (expressed breastmilk), being fine to be left with others she’s familiar with, not so much of cranky, and not being picky to what I feed her with. Alhamdulillah.  So I guess it was just me who freaked out to the fact that I now have an infant to look after, to put first before myself, to think of every single thing from her food to clothers if we were going out, and to feed for in the middle of the night. 
But I was also reluctant to remark on the good things that have happened to me once I became a Puan,
that marriage really really brought tranquility in my soul. You know, that feeling of having someone to look forward to meeting after work? Yes that feeling. 
that motherhood has brought my maturity to the next level, where I did not get the chance or perhaps I was just lazy to brush it up while being the youngest in the family where everyone else cared for you and you only care for yourself. Things are no longer that way now because I am currently caring a daughter on my shoulder and in my heart, I hope. Insha Allah.
Yes, the hussle bussle of marriage will never meet its end, and I almost forgot how to be the happy wife and the happy mother, when I was too busy being lost in my own thoughts that everyone else in the family are just doing fine.
Now I guess, I need the skills to move my head on, along with with my body. To leave behind the memories of singlehood and embrace the diversified experience in marriage and motherhood. I am actually stepping up to being matured. Hang in there Yana, because before you realise, things are gonna relatively easy. Piece of cake. 
ps: I deactivated my facebook account to spare some room for my MBA stuff. and I have actually spend more time with the loved ones. 

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