Assalamu’alaikum and hello again dear readers! Whatever that you are doing, be it sipping a nice aromatic cup of coffee or taking a five-minute break from the chores, I pray that this entry reaches you in good and awesome state of health.
With regards to the title, I believe every husband and dad would agree on this. Adapted from John Gray (the author of Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus), he described women’s emotion to be like a wave. When a woman feels loved, her self-esteem rises like a wave and it can reach its peak. And when a woman’s wave rises, she feels like she has an abundance of love to give,
she wouldn’t mind running up and down the house while handling the kids
she would prepare scrumptious meals and beautiful desserts
her days are content and she would verbally express her love to the husband and kids for 10 times a day..
…but her mood can suddenly change, even without reasons. Hence, when the wave crashes down;
Everything seems wrong
She hates her life story
She wishes her husband would live next door
The kids are driving her crazy
and she even thinks of suicide, perhaps because she finds no reason to live another day.
The cycle goes on, and on, and on, and might never stop. She might be the happiest mom on earth at 12pm and all of a sudden she cries secretly in the kitchen without knowing the reason why, at 2pm.
When times like this happen, it’s essential to address her language:
Overwhelmed : “There’s so much things to do”
Worried : “But what about”
Confused : “I don’t understand why”
Exhausted : “I can’t do anything more”
Mistrustful : “What do you mean by that?”
Insecure : “You don’t love me now. And the kids hate me being their Mom.”
Dads be like “Ni dah kenapa pulak nii… adoi.. tadi okay je”
2 Simple Steps a Father/Husband Can Take
1. Listen to her, nod, and respond accordingly. She just need your pair of ears and insha Allah, that shall be sufficient.
2. Assist in her emotional housecleaning by
– Your words of wisdom such as “That’s alright, life without mistakes is like sky without stars. I went through this a few years back and I know exactly how feel” or “It’s okay, I have no problem with that”
– Your words of affection like “You know I still love you like day one we met. After all, I’m still crazy about you.” or “I’m sorry to hear that”
Women love justifications so as to clear the air. Hence, come out with reasons why she is safe to rise and fall,
“because we are going to do this together”
“I’m going to be with you”
“I’m fine with you taking some time to do with the dishes just as like how long I take to bathe the kids”
Statements like this will practically help to tune down a woman’s wavy emotion because she is then able get the unnecessary thoughts off her head. (Otherwise, believe me, a woman’s mind can go wild, deep deep wild into the forest).
But what if my husband can’t listen and needs to be in his cave?
Mothers, always remember that Allah in close to you than your jugular vein. Try to seek strength through spiritual senses like praying or reciting the Quran. insha Allah you’ll find solace like in Surah Ibrahim (Chapter 14) Verse number 7
‘If you are grateful, I will surely increase you [in favor]”
Let’s be real, we can’t always have someone listening to us. What if the Husband is on outstation for two weeks? or the Dad is handling a year-end closing for his company and he can’t afford to be with us all the time?
This is a practical answer that Allah has given, that is
Be content and count on your blessings.
– How much have you achieved today?
* mop the floor
* hang the washed clothes (you’re halfway there!)
* cook lunch (and dinner)
* set up a bank account for the youngest and registered the eldest for a premium life insurance
These are all little achievements that deserve some content and they teach us to live one day at a time.
Although Mothers can’t totally get away of the wavy emotions, we are smart enough to handle them.