Though I haven’t been clinically diagnosed, I think I am among those who suffer from severe Postpartum Depression (PPD) because even after 7 months since I popped Nusaybah, I still can’t get the lacerated feelings over with.
1. Regret that I had to sacrifice the joy of being single
2. Not understanding the reason to devote myself on this job
By “this job”, I mean cleaning, breast feeding, cooking, chores, nurturing and educating the child(ren)
3. I hate it that getting ready for hangout is no longer just for myself. I now have to plan ahead on every single thing, from feeding Nusaybah, to bathe her, get her stuff chunked in her bag, make sure the car seat is properly placed and buckled, and the list goes on until I finally set my butt behind the wheels and hit the road.
4. Even when we reached the desired spot, again life now is not easy as before, I will have to put on the baby carrier that will take around 10 minutes to get the best position for Nusaybah to sit in.
5. And most of all, envying Mr. Husband for being able to take his own sweet time to bathe and even sit on his couch doing final search on routes that we are going to take. While me? jogging around the house, looking for Nusaybah’s misplaced bottle cap and teether after re-changing her diaper because she pooped the second round.
And the next thing that will find it hard to get off my head is “Papa isn’t helping me”.
Sounds normal? Been there experienced that?
What is Motherhood without business. The busy-ness of a mother is unchallengeable of its kind because no one can take the role of “non-stop thinking” and “multitasking of feeding baby while cleaning their ears”. Having said that, fathers too are bestowed with a wonderful gift of excellent passion for driving and GPS-alike memory that they can stand driving for hours even when the rest of the members in the car in deep sleep with beautiful anthem of snores.
This is a strong reminder to myself, that is to avoid expectations, rather offer and give more. Why? Oh well, getting back to the basic purpose of life, that is to gain Allah’s acceptance (redha), who are we not to take this (motherhood) opportunity to seed the ibadah where the rewards (pahala) will then be retrieved in the hereafter? This is beyond logical mind. This is above human’s ability to imagine but insha Allah, with Iman, there is direction to reach the light at the end of the tunnel.
Yes Moms are the ones who run up and down the house, but I’m sure you’ll agree that Dads will have to crack their nerves for the next 1.5 (or more) hours driving to where you guys planned to be at. Right ladies? And by the time he starts the engine, you know the kids are slowly falling asleep (perhaps after several fighting over the seats and candy) and so will you.
Doesn’t that sound fair? I mean, yes both Mom and Dad will get their busy and payback time but in different ways, that is. This is where the relationship, that naturally consists of two different genders named Man and Woman, is meant to complement each other. If both are to rest and be occupied simultaneously all the time, then the word “complement” doesn’t work for marriage.
Stand up, move on, life isn’t just about “Iftar with the girls” and “Girls meet up sesh”.
As for the regrets and non-stop reminisce of singlehood, here’s an excerpt of a very soothing hadeeth
“…Whoever is in charge of any of these girls and treats them well, they will be a shield for him against the Fire” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5649; Muslim, 2629).
“…Sesiapa yang menguruskan (menjaga dan memelihara) mana-mana anak-anak perempuan ini lalu ia berbuat baik kepada mereka maka mereka akan menjadi pelindungnya daripada api neraka” (al-Bukhari, Muslim dan at-Tarmizi). *
Now who on earth doesn’t want shield from the hell fire?
Thank you Nusaybah, be me shield when the day comes, will you. ^
To the busy mothers, Insha Allah, God’s Willing,
We are going to accept this change wholeheartedly, I believe in Allah’s promise where He won’t put us in cases of unbearable.
As for Mr. Husband,
Despite being busy the whole day at the office, I am aware of your unconditional support, assistance and beautiful smile. I truly am.
I love you always.
* kitab Al-Adab (Pustaka Salam Sdn Bhd)